Uncomfortable Becomes Comfortable

Vulnerability I feel like, is something I have learned so much about during my journey here at CGA and while on the world race. This blog has been something I have been trying to put on paper for some time now and I don’t know if I will ever think it is 100% ready to post so, I am just going for it.

I want to back up to about a year and a half ago. When I started my time with Adventures in Missions. AIM’s culture has a great way of making the uncomfortable areas in our lives become comfortable which requires vulnerability. 

In the beginning of this journey of learning how to be vulnerable and just putting myself out there I realized that I really struggled. I was in a new environment with very intentional people who asked really challenging questions (or at the time seemed that way). I realize now that I had put myself in this box of selecting who actually got to know me and who didn’t. I realize that in so many ways I didn’t even know myself. Since this journey began and now having some time to reflect I realize that I was in so many ways filled with shame.

Shame…what does that have to do with vulnerability? Well, you see it has everything to do with it! Shame allows that horrifying feeling and voice in our head to have negative self talk and ultimately believe, I am not good enough. Which causes one to not speak up, be honest, and seem to be filled with darkness.

However, since being vulnerable, allowing the light of my heavenly father to come into the dark places I wasn’t even willing to admit existed a year and a half ago I am a completely new person. I continually have to practice reaching out, saying yes to things and diving deeper with my relationship with Jesus Christ. This looks like speaking life not death over myself each day (getting away from negative self talk), and sharing my story and knowing that not bottling things up allows for a healthy environment, not toxic. While remembering to not only forgive others but, remembering to forgive myself each step of the way. God’s grace is enough!

Hebrews 12:15- See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled

I continually have to say yes to being vulnerable so I don’t put myself back in the box. I have learned that being vulnerable and talking about the hard things doesn’t make me weak. It actually shows courage and more importantly makes the devil back off. The devil only knows our past, God knows our future and so, it is important to not let the devil have hold of a part of our past.

Vulnerability is a way to create change and new beginnings in your life. Vulnerability allows freedom. Is it time you let go of your shame and have a little vulnerability time today? I sure am glad I said yes to vulnerability and stopped listing to the voice in my head a year and a half ago. 

Much Love, Courtney 🙂